There are many things you must do right for a relationship to work. In fact, you must do more things right, than things wrong. Just a few critical mistakes and your relationship will end up in post-apocalyptic zombie death.

So the question becomes, what is the number one thing I must do right for your relationship to be healthy, powerful and successful? Before we get to that, let’s look at a couple of love skills any person who desires to have a meaningful and successful relationship must have and work to master. Among other things, these traits will breed trust and open, healthy communication. Go here for my blog on love skills.

Communication – Knowing how to effectively communicate your feelings, desires, annoyances and needs is critical. One of my favorite sayings is, “a closed mouth won’t get fed!” Excellent communication includes active listening, reflection, honesty, and understanding.

Patience – You’re not perfect, and neither is your mate. Patience goes a long way when someone is trying to become better at something. Give your mate positive reinforcement instead of complaining and watch how they open up like a blooming rose.

Act in Love – When you love someone, you should act like it. Remember the adage; actions speak louder than words? Acting in love does not include:

• Contempt
• Vindictiveness
• Defensiveness
• Critical pointing
• Frustration
• Dishonesty

You can see where this is going. If you are engaging consistently in any of the above behavioral traits, your relationship is in danger.

Some people like to think that they are in a successful relationship because they stick it out. Sticking it out is not easy and should be commended, but staying in an unhealthy, dead-end relationship may end up being a regret down the line.

When you choose to share your life with someone, that choice should embody a commitment to make your relationship the absolute best it can be.  Understanding each other will take time and effort, but more importantly, a commitment to perfecting the skills necessary to make a relationship work (Love Skills).

The number one skill you will need, in my opinion, is conflict resolution.

A study by the University of Denver several years back revealed that how well couples handle conflict is a 90% indicator of whether or not they will stay together. 90%!!

Learning how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner will not only extend your relationship, it will help to transform it into a relationship worth having. Perfecting love skills and using them will help you resolve inevitable conflict in a healthy way.

Here are some skills and tricks that will help you resolve conflict:

1.Calm down: Controlling your emotions is key. This doesn’t just refer to yelling and screaming. Withdrawing is often just as damaging. Having emotional awareness is a powerful tool that will keep you in control in the moment. Know what you are feeling and why. Know what the end goal you truly desire is and act accordingly to reach that goal. If you don’t want to damage your relationship, then don’t do things that will damage it, especially in moments of conflict.

2.Work Together: Most times during conflict couples are too busy fighting to find the path to resolution. Act in, out of and through love. Ask these questions:

Am I being selfish?

Am I listening to understand or to fight?

Am I being retaliatory?

Am I being patient?

Am I being defensive?

3. Pick your battles: Sometimes, it’s just not worth fighting over. Coming to the point of saying “I’m sorry”, even if you have a small point of contention, is mature and righteous.

4. Don’t Run: Running away from conflict only ensures one thing, it will rear its ugly head again. Every problem is different, so bear down and be prepared to invest the time to fix it.

5. Go Deep: Often the problem is deeper than the current conflict. Having a relationship that is open, transparent, where honest communication flows, will help to create an atmosphere where real love can grow. Pull out the weeds from the root, not the stem.