1. Selfish

You know that person who always takes and never gives? They’re the one person at the table that never reaches for the check. They hate it when people touch their things. They run to the kitchen to scoop up the last bit of lasagna just to make sure no one else gets it. Oh yes, you know this person.

I’d be remiss in not stating that, by definition, selfishness is not a bad thing. “To be concerned with one’s own self-interest”. However, the exposition of love and giving cannot simultaneously exist in a moment with selfishness.

Ghandi said, “Selfishness is blind”. And truly it is. To care about one’s self above all others is a perspective of someone lost and never to be found. It is our human willingness to sacrifice for each other that brings us close, that defines our humanity. The astonishing sacrifice of Christ cannot be topped, but it is that level of selflessness we must strive for.

By contrast, a giver will never be broke. The very act of giving ensures that God, the universe and the world will be set in motion to replenish. A selfish person will always find themselves needing more. And they will never be able to truly put your needs first in a relationship.

Test this early on by how well the person pays attention to you. Do they just like to hear themselves talk? Are they always late or do they make you wait unnecessarily? Are they focused on other things, instead of being focused on you? Do they do anything to go out of their way to please you above themselves?

2. Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I know I know, I’ve covered this one to death, but a liar is only redeemable by absolute truth. If the truth sets you free, what does a lie do? The lack of courage and strength to tell the truth is a problem, but what promotes dishonesty the most is selfishness, which is why it populates our list at number 1.

When you first meet someone, don’t be afraid to challenge their honesty by asking deep meaningful questions. Make a mental or written note and see if the story stands over time. Think that’s going too far? Ask the woman in Dallas who started dating a man and left him at her home while she went to work and found out he’d promptly hacked her computer and emptied all of her accounts.

I’m not advising you to be cynical, only to be vigilant, smart and full of wisdom and let that direct your actions. I pray often that lies in my life be revealed to me, even the ones birthing in me.

3. Arrogant

In a world of constant changes where one day you are rich and the next you can be poor, you’d think people would avoid the stupidity of arrogance. To think that you are better than someone else is an abhorrent place.

The funny thing about this one is that more than likely, these people are looking through shattered glasses. In other words, they only see a shattered image of themselves. One they think looks better than everyone else. I actually find myself feeling sorry for so many people I meet like this. Typically, this self-diluted charade is necessary for these people to get up in the morning; it’s weakness not strength that sets this mindset.

They’re easy to spot. Just look at how they treat others or how they talk to the people around them. If they don’t respect other people, they are not going to respect you. It’s that simple.

And yes ladies, I know a man full of confidence and swag is a mouthwatering choice, but this trait is quite different. Confidence is being self-assured, which is different from thinking you’re better than someone else. The two don’t necessarily exist in the same person, but often people cross over to the dark side of confidence, to arrogance and they start breathing heavy and start wearing all black S.O. to the force.

4. Pessimism

The sky is falling; the sky is falling! Do you know these people? I’m not an eternal optimist by any standards, I’m a realist. It is what it is, I like to say. Watch out for people who always seem to have a dark cloud following them around like a Charlie Brown cartoon.

Complainers…yikes! My skin crawls during these conversations. If the energy expended in these gloom doom diatribes was repurposed toward some positive action, I’d have more hair than what I have pulled out.

The power to change one’s reality is born through faith and belief that one can. If someone believes that they are simply doomed and nothing is going to get better, they definitely won’t be changing the outcome for the better.

5. Laziness…too lazy to even read this blog.

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I’m a hard worker and probably live at the other end of that spectrum, so I’m definitely not the most unbiased here.

Let’s exclude people who have some medical reason as to why they have low energy. A lack of energy is not the same thing as someone being lazy. Laziness is a state of mind. This person always talks about what they should be doing, but never ends up doing it. Or if they do accomplish their goal, it’s at the last minute with the least amount of effort possible.

They’re easy to spot. Don’t ignore signs like a dirty house, dirty car, lack of exercise etc. None of these things on their own mean anything absolute, but signs are just that, they point to potential issues.