There aren’t much more fabled and sought about narratives such as soul mates. Some believe that one cannot truly be happy or experience love without finding that person specifically meant for them.
Others believe that the very search for this perfect match is futile and foolish. In a world made up of over 7 billion people, how could one possibly hope to find their perfect soul mate? The thought alone is exacerbating.
Does that mean those of us who have settled for a mate that matches our list are doomed to never experience rich deep and meaningful love? Or are we the sane ones and those who spend their lives waiting to discover their soul mates, the crazy ones?
How many soul mates does one have in a lifetime? One? Hundreds? Thousands?
See how quickly it gets deep?
What are soul mates?
Well, that depends on whom you ask. Most people believe that soul mates are your perfect mate in this world. They fit you like a hand to a perfect glove. Imagine a world where the temperature is always perfect, there is no unwanted noise, no pain, no struggle, the perfect song is always playing, and food has the impeccable flavor of perfection. Now apply that perfection to love.
That’s what most people think soul mates are. There are other theories.
The Karmic Soul Mate
Whenever you hear the phrase soul mate, most people go to a very peaceful and positive place in their mind. Who wouldn’t want to be with their soul mate? But this spin on the popular ideology is anything but peaceful. Soul mates under this definition are ruckus and destructive connections. Sometimes, so terrible that only death will tear them apart.
Consider those relationships so polarizing they make you feel like you’re going crazy. The sex is animalistic, you think about them every waking moment, you’re constantly on an emotional rollercoaster. Half the time you feel like you’d die without them, and the other you spend time plotting how you could kill them and get away with it.
Your souls are unmistakably tied in an unrelenting merry go round of torment and opulent pleasure. A true karmic soul mate is not a relationship that is mean to last for an extended amount of time. The state of being is simply too turbulent, too violent, simply too unhealthy. These relationships are as intoxicating as they are toxic.
Adam & Eve
In Genesis, God created Adam in the garden of Eden. On the 6th day, he put Adam asleep and pulled out his rib and from it, he created Eve. Adam describes her as “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”.
Could love be any more beautiful? A mate who is a part of your body. Two, becoming one flesh. But is this only available via a soulmate? Or could this experience be a spiritual one, meant for any man and woman who takes their vows before God?
The other half that makes whole – Plato’s Version
Alas, most of us are somewhat familiar with the Athenian philosopher Plato. He was one of the greatest thinkers in history. He was taught by Socrates and eventually opened the first university in history where he taught his student Aristotle.
Plato’s ideas on love have their own problems, but one thing I found interesting is his Symposium Dialogue where this other half idea was born. A story is told in the dialogue about two-sided humans with four hands and four feet attacking the Gods. Zeus decides to split them in half to humble them.
So these men and woman roam the other looking for their other half. A literal part of them that is missing. It is said that when these two halves find each other, they experience the greatest joy known.
Their love is in its purest form. Could this be because their love is love of self by extension?
Sounds romantic doesn’t it? Here’s one better.
Bashert
The Jewish view of soulmates is also quite interesting. The belief is that one’s mate or spouse is determined in heaven 40 days before the child is born. There is a destiny component. You are made to be with someone else.
The belief is that your mate will perfectly complement you and you will perfectly complement them. Beautiful.
However, the obvious paradoxical question, is if you are predestined to be married to someone, is the person you marry the one who you were predestined to?
In other words, if destiny will occur regardless of your choices in life, will the person you choose automatically be your destiny, because you choose them? DEEP.
Here’s what I believe
If I were to define a soul mate, I would define them as a person who you connect with on the deepest level.
I don’t believe there is just one someone for everyone. The math simply doesn’t work. What a miserable existence to spend your whole life looking for a unicorn. I believe there are many “perfect matches” for each person. But I don’t believe they are pre-ordained or destined.
Destiny is a tricky thing. I believe life experience as a whole is set up to be fluid and propelled by choice. Our choices lead us to our inevitable destiny. Just because a person is destined to be great, doesn’t necessarily mean he will achieve that destiny.
Here some other ways to determine if you’ve found your soulmate or soul’s mate.
You feel one with that person.
There is a synergy – you move like water.
They force you to grow without forcing anything at all.
Two whole people (not half people) creating a new entity better than the parts
You know it in your gut.
You are moved beyond physical attraction (there maybe little attraction at all)
You are connected to their joy and pain.
There is peace with that person that you don’t experience alone.
You are vulnerable and transparent and still feel safe.
You go beyond your own limitations emotionally and otherwise to make things work.
Beautiful.
My Advice
Don’t look for perfection based on your own deficiencies. A perfect mate will make you better in ways that you don’t necessarily want to be. Instead of searching for a soul mate, look for the right mate. That starts with your list, then recognize the beauty in experiencing something beyond the words you wrote on paper.
Do you believe in soul-mates?
PDH - Paul D. Hannah
Author
Paul D. Hannah is an award-winning writer, producer, director and author. He has counseled and help hundreds of couples and spoken nationally to thousands about the power of love and relationships. He has a passion for marriages and helping people achieve their love goals.
The Secret Sauce
An excerpt from my book "Spice Up Your Marriage in 7 Simple Steps" Which can be purchased here. Come closer…even closer…that’s good. Here’s the secret to keeping the spice in your marriage. This one thing that very well may save a marriage headed for divorce or keep a...
Why Internet Dating is The Worst Idea Ever
Why Internet Dating is The Worst Idea Ever Ah, the new age, the age of microwaves, streaming mannequin dares, and 140 character nuclear bombs. We text instead of writing, no more paper maps or asking for directions, even the dash navigation systems have become...
The Most Important List You’ll Ever Make
A checklist of what you want in a man I have been working most of my life. I started out teaching all over the country at 10 years old. Yep, 10! I was in numerous national newspapers and would travel from church to church. I didn’t do it for the money but I was always...
The Dark List
5 TRAITS IN A MATE THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU RUN LIKE YOU’RE ON FIRE If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I am a strong advocate of making a very detailed list when searching for a mate. What you put on your list will depend completely on what’s...
How To Choose The Right One To Marry
How To Choose The Right One To Marry Choosing a mate is one the three most important decisions you’ll make in your life. This is not like picking out a car or a house. Typically, those things are all about what you can afford; well maybe there are some similarities,...
Your Best Isn’t Good Enough
The number one reason your relationship will fail is because you think you're equipped to make it succeed. The likelihood of you fitting perfectly with another soul is radically low. The truth is, it is almost impossible. Marriage is a relationship locked in an insane...