If you’ve read my blog, “Why Internet Dating Is The Worst Idea Ever” you know my stance on the whole Internet dating experience. I clearly see the advantages of it, but also point out some of the glaring pitfalls as well.

And though my irritants persist, I think it prudent to cultivate a list to help those who willingly choose to travel to the abyss that is Internet dating.

Here is the most important thing to remember when meeting people online; you are meeting a PROFILE, not a person. And until you meet the person, you should take what they wrote in their profile with a grain of salt. You should approach the first date as if you are meeting someone you don’t know, not as if you are meeting the person in the profile. Once you have come to terms with that, the tips below will help you get past the first meet-up.

The Do’s:

Represent yourself honestly. Finding out later you are not a match with someone because you were “faking the funk,” will be a disaster and ultimately a waste of everyone’s time. This means your profile, initial call, and the first date should you should present the “true” you.

Keep an an open mind. Sure their profile, maybe a mish mosh of fiction and Greek Mythology, but hey you’re here now, you’ll never know what it truly could become until you spend time having a deep and meaningful conversation.

Make yourself available. Dating is like a beautiful slow tango. You must be willing to be open and available emotionally and with your time. Romance will never ignite if your only contact is jagged sporadic, inconsistent text messages. This is a major pitfall fall with online dating, because you can easily get use to the back-and-forth messages, which make it difficult to transition to “real life”.

Be willing to invest. If you’re going to make yourself available, make sure that you are willing to invest! Once you’re into it, be into it. Ask questions, have long and meaningful conversations. Getting to know someone takes effort and energy, so grab a red bull or espresso and jump in. 

Cut off lingering relationships. This is critical. There are few things as slimy as going on a date with someone while your phone is vibrating from some past lover who needs to be put out to pasture. Wasting time dealing with your past ultimately pulls energy from cultivating your future. Don’t do this. If the previous relationships had any promise you wouldn’t be looking for a new one.

Don’t do the criss-cross. As stated above, trying to seriously get to know someone in a meaningful way while you’re juggling other interested parties, will only result in missing the right one when they appear. The criss-cross is going from one person to the next before ending the last. Be better than this. It is said that relationship karma is activated the fastest!

Don’t rush to have sex. Sex is such an emotional and intimate act, it should be only done between a husband and wife. However, if you are going to have premarital sex it should be in a committed, monogamous, relationship, where both people know where they stand and where it’s going. Again, wait until you’re married, if possible. You are worth the wait, and so are they. Or not…

Don’t spend too much or too little. Internet dating is like going to the crap table at Aria and throwing a hundred dollars on hard four. It’s a crapshoot. So spend time getting to know the person on the phone and make sure this is someone you want to invest a date in. Some men go on as many as 3 dates a week with different women they meet online. Here’s a rule of thumb, if they’re not worth more than a $3 cup of coffee, skip it!

Don’t expect too much. Again, go in with an open mind. And if there doesn’t seem to be a connection, move on. Be realistic about the flaws and expectations. Falling in love with a profile or a voice on the phone is like buying a car before you know if it’ll start.

Don’t be desperate. Desperation can make a Ritz cracker taste like filet minion. Know your worth! If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, don’t get overly excited with your first match. Remember, you’ll have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince. Someone is praying and looking for you, so don’t feel pressured to make the first option work. Don’t keep dating someone just to feel wanted. Being truthful about who is wrong for you is just important as identifying who could be the one.