The first date is an exciting and promising first step to what could be a long-term and fulfilling relationship. It is also a great opportunity to quickly discover stalkers and people you will eventually have to get a restraining order on.
Obviously, no one is perfect, but there are things during a first date you simply shouldn’t ignore. Some things are common sense, others not so much. You need to be able to determine whether it’s time to open up and let this person in or run like someone is chasing you with a hatchet.
As a matter of clarity, a first date is not necessarily a first meeting. In actuality, it is probably not the first time you’ve sat down and talked to this person face to face. This list should apply to your first official and formal date (for those of you who still have these).
Additionally, this list won’t help the ladies out there that have sex, at first sight, have a come to my house to chill and watch Netflix first date or never require the man to take you out on a date at all. This is for those looking for a long-term, one-on-one relationship leading to marriage. These ladies typically won’t fall into one of the previous categories.
Now, of course, I realize that this list leans toward a certain type of man, but if you’re a reader of this blog, you are probably looking for that type of man. Remember, this should be the absolute best representation of who they are.
Here’s how it works. Below I’ve listed eleven things to look for. If he did these things or did them well, select “yes”. If he didn’t, score it as a “no”. If you answered less than eight questions with a “yes”, it might be wise to keep looking. If he received less than five “yes” answers, I hope you at least got a good meal out of it.
1) He was early to the meeting spot or to pick you up. YES NO
Not everyone get’s the same crazy, neurotic twitch that I do when people are late. When someone is late, they don’t respect your time. If you don’t respect my time, you don’t respect me. This is a no-no for a first date and it’s never cool to keep a lady waiting.
3) He made an effort to look nice. YES NO
Does he smell good? Are his clothes pressed and ironed? Did he style himself to make an impression? You don’t have to agree that this is necessary, but you cannot deny that a man who makes this kind of effort wants to impress you and gain your affections.
5) Did he keep his phone in his pocket? YES NO
I feel like such a hypocrite with this one, but it’s true. For the most part, EVERY man can get through meal without checking his phone. I am one of the busiest people I know and at some point I have to admit I was literally addicted to my phone. Mostly because I was busy, but there were times on a first date I was simply updating my online dating profile while being bored out of my mind on the date I was on.
7) He’s polite to the staff and others. YES NO
A rude person doesn’t get nicer over time. PERIOD. If he’s rude to others, he will eventually be rude to you.
9) Did he pick up the check? YES NO
Yes, I know women can pay their own way, but on a first date the man should pay.
2) He planned something special. YES NO
He planned…not you. You want a man who will take the lead, even if he is not a natural leader. I believe whoever is best at something in a relationship should head those operations, but on a first date, you want a man that will take the lead. And if you’re a “take the lead” type of woman, fall back and enjoy not having to make every decision for once.
4) Did he try to get to know you? YES NO
A man who is interested in you for the future will try to get to know you. He’ll want to know your interest, what you feel about things and he’ll talk about topics that will lead to actual conversation. That indicates his desire for a long-term and serious relationship.
6) Did he avoid talking about other women? YES NO
A man that brags about the other women he’s bagged or is being pursued by likely has some serious narcissistic issues. You should have his full attention.
8) Did he avoid taboo subjects, like trying to get you into bed? YES NO
Of course, you want a man to be attracted to you, but on a first date, a man should be trying to get to know you, not your girlfriend between your thighs. They’ll come a time when he can express his desire to drink your bath water, but the first date is not that time.
10) Did he walk you to your car or to your door? YES NO
Simple. Don’t you want a partner who cares about your well-being? This starts becoming evident early on and in very simple ways.
11) Did he call/text afterward? YES NO
A man that makes his interest known is a wonderful thing. A man calling a few days later may mean he simply has run out of other options and is circling back.
My Advice
Sometimes it’s best to let your heart take the lead, as long as your brain doesn’t go on vacation. Having quantitative measurements is a clear and defined way to know what you’re looking for and what you’re getting. If these ideas are antiquated perhaps that’s a good thing since true love is a rarity in today’s society. We’re bringing love back in a big way and it starts with the right first date.
PDH - Paul D. Hannah
Author
Paul D. Hannah is an award-winning writer, producer, director and author. He has counseled and help hundreds of couples and spoken nationally to thousands about the power of love and relationships. He has a passion for marriages and helping people achieve their love goals.
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